Pregnant pause.

Courtney and I moved to our second placement, a women's crisis shelter in the city (Kota Kinabalu, capital of Sabah), last Wednesday. I'm sitting in our shared bedroom in this nice house, which serves as a secret location for pregnant women.

There are currently 10 women here in varying stages of their pregnancy. Some look like they're going to give birth tonight. Some have a couple more months to go. All are visibly pregnant. Some of them have been sent here against their will by their parents, because it's still very much taboo to be a young single mother. Some are here because of domestic violence. Some are here because they were raped. Their ages range from 16 to 36.

I really love all of them. Just like with the girls at the hostel, they are all so unique and it's been so fun getting to talk and hang out with them.

But when we first arrived, all I could see were pregnant bellies. And all I could think was, as if I'm not going to be emotional enough, I'm spending Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's here???

Of course, when I get out of my self-centered mindset, I feel very blessed to be here. For one, it's going to be a holiday season like no other, I'm sure. But more importantly, this is their life and I have been invited to share in that.

They are not allowed to have cell phones or use the Internet. Some of them may not see their families at Christmas, because their families might not come to visit (they're not allowed to go back home). I remind myself that whenever I feel suffocated from not having my own space. I remind myself that as I sit here in my room using the incredible wifi.

But I know life is not about comparing realities. What it is about is being together. I think these words from Pema Chodron will resonate especially for me here: "We don't set out to save the world; we set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people's hearts."

A little story about what life is like here: On the third day we were here, I was on duty for the first time, Courtney was sent to the Good Shepherd microenterprise kitchen to help make Christmas cookies. On your first day on duty in this crisis shelter, you mostly just sit around and observe and wonder if you're in people's way. But that morning, a nurse also came to do a weekly medical talk with the women. She spoke mostly in Malay, so mostly I understood words that I knew like "susa" (difficult), "tarik" (pull), and "keluar" (exit), though she also threw in some English, like "plastic bag", "placenta", and "membrane." I was thoroughly enjoying myself, as well as the diagrams of the uterus, fetus, and cervix that she drew on the whiteboard, even though I didn't understand everything. For this session, it was just a Q&A discussion, so the nurse talked about a whole slough of things including what happens to the woman's body when the baby is ready to come out, what happens when a baby is pre-term, how to get your baby to breastfeed. And of course the women asked questions like, will my hips return to their original size after I give birth? (Nurse's answer: 60-70% of women don't return to their same shape.) Can I still drink Coca-Cola? (Nurse's answer: some people say no, but if the Coke makes you happy, then drink a bloody Coke.)

So, I sat during that discussion on my first day in this place, very pleased that this is my life. We have heard about how the women are traumatized and often want to sleep all day and can get very depressed. But during that session, they were full of questions, full of attention, and seemingly to me, full of hope for what is to come.