A whale of a time..

I leave at midnight tonight for NYC. Orientation on Staten Island for 10 days and then I fly to Malaysia on September 1. What is life?

Surreal, for sure.

I have a family brunch this morning and more packing to do before I leave. And I'd like to take a nap since I'm flying red eye and me sleeping on planes doesn't always work out.

Here are some weird things that I have had to do to get ready for this new adventure..

- Cancel my Chase debit account. I opened this account just for NYC and since I have a B of A debit account, it doesn't make sense to have two.

- Call Bank of America and tell them I'm going to Malaysia so they don't put my account on hold.

- Pack clothes that do NOT include sweatshirts or sweatpants. These (American) comfort clothes are not necessary and even uncomfortable in a tropical place like Malaysia.

- Say goodbye to my brother through an email.

- Buy one of those clip-on insect repellant fans. I've never used one and I'm not really looking forward to walking around buzzing (audibly), but I suppose if it keeps me from contracting malaria..

- Buy little bags of Snickers and Reese's. My mom said people I'll be working with in Malaysia will appreciate American chocolate. I'll take her word for it.

- Look up the Malaysian form of government and currency. They have a prime minister and queen and king. And the currency is called ringgit.

Whereas last year moving to New York very much felt that I was moving my life, this move to Malaysia feels more like an aberration. Like a break from my real life. Maybe because I'm leaving with one suitcase and one carry-on bag (I'm excited to see how the GSV tenets of social justice, community, spirituality, and especially simplicity pan out). But this IS real life. Although I am not taking many of my clothes, books, shoes, trinkets and things, I am not leaving anything behind. Where my heart goes is home. I am departing from my family and friends for a little while, but I am not leaving behind a life. I am moving forward with life.

Anyway, the other day I was watching 20/20 with my Grandma and there was a spot on a group of boaters who came across a humpback whale (they obviously weren't on the local lake) entangled, fully straightjacketed by fishing net. The whale was pretty much being strangled to death. At risk to their own lives, the boaters spent more than an hour cutting the net to free the whale. When they finally set the whale free, the whale swam away and after a couple yards majestically jumped out of the water and into the air. It was saying thank you. I've been such an emotional wreck the last couple weeks, so I almost cried watching this whale on TV (yes really), but it was also a really beautiful image. I'm obviously not a whale (insert appropriate joke here), but I like the idea of me swimming away and jumping into the air showing my gratitude for everyone who sends me off on this journey with support and love.

Surprise.

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn't think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself. How will you surprise yourself this week? - Ashley Ambirge

This is another prompt from the Self-Reliance 30-day online writing challenge. I really love this quote from Emerson. Trust, holy, truth - all such key words for me this past year.

I've now been in LA for a little over a week. Before coming back, I was anxious about how I was going to spend time. Meaning, I knew time would slip through my hands. I was also worried about money for these 3 weeks, but turns out time is what I need more of.

Somewhere around the middle of last week, however, I realized that it is what it is. I have a short amount of time with my family and friends before leaving for a year. Yes, I had hoped for more sleep. Yes, I had hoped for more time to go to the gym, do yoga, and meditate. Yes, I had planned to more diligently study Malay. Yes, none of those things have really happened.

But at the same time, yes. My time here so far has consisted of driving around sprawling LA to meet up with friends. Hanging out with my parents, sister, and grandma. Running endless errands for myself and for my family. Getting ready for my Malaysia fundraiser. My time here so far has consisted of scheduling my time here. It has taken a lot of juggling.

So, I say yes. I don't like feeling like I have no time. But I do love my people. The map of my network here - Santa Monica, Culver City, Ventura, Downtown LA, the South Bay, Bolsa Chica, Arcadia - is dotted with lovely people. Everytime I have a conversation with someone about my year and about their year, I process a little more what this past year meant for me. I am able to show a little more joy and gratitude for my time in NY.

And without closing that door, because I don't know that closure is the fitting label for this experience, I get more comfortable and more ready for the next phase of my life. You know, the one where I leave my part of the world and my people for a new life-giving adventure. It's weird to feel like I'm just catching up with my friends, instead of just spending time with them. It's weird to not spend as much time as possible with my best friends. As Ana said, "We're always saying goodbye!"

I have to say, this past week, I have found myself inwardly lamenting my lack of sleep or lack of quiet time. Then I find myself having an awesome life-giving time with people. This time I have in LA is holy. It is crazy, hectic, fun-filled, beautiful. I have realized that I just need to trust that I am spending my time in the best way possible. No need to stress out. I will see who I have to see. I will do what I have to do. It will all happen. I have had to let go of my expectations and just go with the flow. When I get on that plane for NY again in 11 days, I will be safer and saner because I am reenergized, not necessarily by rest and relaxation, but by my amazing, surprising, hilarious, and dynamic support system of family and friends.

MAJAKEL.

I can't believe I'm back in Gardena, CA in my parent's house in the little bedroom I share with my sister.

I can't believe the phase in my life where I lived with 6 MAJAKEL women in a high school home in Astoria, NY is over.

I wanted to do a shout out to my beautiful roommates Madeline, Alaina, Jess, Annie, Krystina and Liz but somehow I'm at a loss for words. I had thoughts of sharing some of the wacky and inspiring, ridiculous and emotional stories we shared this past year, but I'm not feeling that right now.

But Alaina's blog dedicated to our Astoria community is perfect. So I'm just going to link to her blog. She has always had a knack for articulating so eloquently what I feel so deeply.

Before that though, I will say briefly (what I said at Re-Orientation last weekend, our end-of-year retreat), when I think of our community, I think of HEART. Individually and together, our hearts are so special. Whenever I am in a room with MAJAKEL, I can feel their presence. I am so aware of their energies. Their hearts speak to mine. I have seen them. They have seen me.

Now that we are scattered, I still feel their energy. Our lives became so intertwined this past year and from now on, these women will always be a piece of home for me.

One of the questions on our end-of-year GSV evaluation asked what was the most memorable or most fulfilling experience living in community. I said that I couldn't pinpoint one specific experience, but that if loving people is an experience, then it is that. I have loved them and they have loved me. And that has been the most memorable and most fulfilling.

With that, here is Alaina's tribute to MAJAKEL. Love!