The sun shine above all of us.

This past weekend I went home with one of the girls from the hostel. Twice a month, the girls are allowed to visit their homes in the kampungs, or villages. Courtney went with Bernadeth and I went with Shieldry (pronounced Shel-dree). Leaving Courtney for an extended amount of time for the first time since becoming partners-in-crime, I felt like a kid separating from its parents to go to school for the first time! But it was an amazing weekend, for both of us.

Shieldry is an only child which is unusual, since most of the girls have at least two siblings, if not six. Shieldry is also unusual because her mom is the only parent at the hostel who has a university degree (for teaching). Upon meeting her parents, Shieldry's dad told me that he also is in college right now studying education. For an hour on Saturday night, I helped him with an English class project, which included writing sentences using adjectives. Fun stuff! Anyway, Shieldry lives fairly close by, only about thirty minutes away. She technically does not need to stay at the hostel, given her socioeconomic background, but the hostel took her in to help her learn independent living skills and to give her a supportive sisterhood.

I thought it would be fun to give you a glimpse of my weekend through pictures. Here goes!


On Saturday, Shieldry, her mom and I went to her mom's family's kampung, called Kampung Bantayan. Shieldry's grandmother, uncle, uncle's wife, two cousins, and aunt live there. They have a big country house with lots of scruffy dogs and puppies, chickens, pigs, and fruit trees. We went up to the rubber tap trees to collect the rubber. Shieldry's uncle and wife manage the trees. Our girls at the hostels always talk about going home to help their families "rubber tap" so it was really awesome to see it up close and personal. Liquid rubber, which is white in color and looks like glue, literally runs out of the tree into little black pots that are hung on the side of the trees. After collecting the rubber, Shieldry's uncle sells it to a rubber factory. It pays well. In this picture, that's me wearing a borrowed hat from Shieldry's mom, Shieldry's adorable two-year-old cousin Alvin who fell partly down a hill on my watch (oops- but no worries, in no time, he was up and running around the hillside again and playing with a sparrow his dad had shot with an air rifle), Shieldry holding a bucket full of rubber, and Shieldry's five-year-old cousin Melvin who was shy at first but later felt comfortable making faces at me.

This is part of Shieldry's family's rice paddy. Isn't it beautiful? Her grandmother, who is probably in her late fifties or early sixties, goes out every day to work the fields. She's quite a rockstar. Shieldry's aunt took me to four different places in the paddy to find me a leech. They were being shy, so she kept telling me to just stick my leg in. She finally found a baby one.

I like this picture of Shieldry and the kelapa, or coconut, tree (funny because "head" in Malay is "kepala"). We picked a bunch of coconuts and her uncle chopped the tops off as soon as we got back to the house and we had fresh coconut juice!

Hot and sweaty Lara and Melvin enjoying our fresh drinks. Shieldry and her uncle in the background with more coconuts. After finishing the juice, Shieldry's uncle chopped them open again to see if there was any coconut meat. I also had two other vegetables from their farm. One was called tarap and was delicious in a soup - kind of reminded me of mushrooms. The other was a bitter root that they like to chew and wasn't quite my cup of tea - don't remember what it was called.

Every Sunday, Shieldry's mom's family gets together for family prayer and dinner. Lovely. In the back row: Shieldry's uncle Augustine, dad Yalim, uncle Richard (covered by camera loving Alvin), aunt Sabrina, Shieldry, mom Susannah. In the front row: Shieldry's uncle Didie (who is twenty four years old and took us to a crocodile farm!) cousin Melvin, uncle's wife Meg, cousin Alvin, grandma Lina, uncle Lawrence, me, uncle Lawrence's wife with seven-month-old Grace.

They did their prayer in Malay, so I didn't understand much else besides "Yesus". But what I did understand was the love in that family. I had met everyone by that time Sunday night (yesterday night!), but it was only in seeing them all together in Shieldry's house that I started to think about my own family. Shieldry's mom's family now consists of her grandmother the matriarch (grandpa passed away about five years ago), four brothers, and two sisters - and their extended family. Being invited into their family and feeling that family love, I began to miss my dad's family, which consists of the same grandmother matriarch, four brothers, two sisters, and all the husbands and wives and cousins.

"Family" means a lot of different things. But realizing the similarities between my own and Shieldry's made me so grateful for family and everything that it means. I was so overwhelmed with love, with homesickness, with joy, with gratitude, that I started crying. I felt very much at home with Shieldry's family and I am so honored to have gotten to know them. I hope very much that I get to stay with them again!

On the first night of my stay, Shieldry's mom was showing me family photo albums and came across one with breathtaking photos from Mount Kinabalu that Shieldry's uncle Didie had taken. The most amazing thing, however, was that Shieldry's ten-year-old self had decided on her own to write little blurbs on the backs of the photos. Of course, I was obsessed with them. Among my favorites: "Natural things help us relax and teach us to calm down with all what happen whenever it bad or good" and "The wild is my way to heaven." She also wrote, "The sun shine above all of us. Greet him nicely." Some months ago, my dad told me that sometimes he looks at the moon and thinks, Andrew is looking at the same moon. Shieldry's ten-year-old self was/is so wise. The sun does indeed, shine on all of us. What more could we ask for?

Just wanna make the world dance..

Courtney and I have finally arrived at Tenghilan, the village where we are staying for two months! We have been here about a week. We live and work in a place called Asrama Gereja St. James Tenghilan. Asrama means hostel and gereja means church. Our little hostel home is behind a church. Girls ages thirteen to seventeen come here to live so they can go to the schools here in Tenghilan. Most of their families are farmers and live in villages without schools thirty, forty, fifty minutes away.

I'd like to introduce the girls. I was so excited about this, because at other placements, including last year, I didn't feel like I could share the residents' names or stories as freely. But this placement isn't secret. The community very much knows they live here and there are other hostels for students in Tenghilan.

Anyway, I've already fallen in love with the girls and am so excited to tell you about them. Courtney and I have been/will be spending so much time with them, which makes me feel less sad that we only have two months here. We all have our rooms on the second floor of the hostel and even share the bathroom with them, dorm style. But I'll get into the fun details of life in a village hostel later. For now, it's all about the girls:

Emilianie: Goes by Nani. She is one of the younger girls and can be a little sly I think. But I think she is also a really good listener and friend to the other girls. Courtney, me, and our director are going to do a home visit to her family's village this weekend.

Shantey: I love her very upright posture and serious demeanor. When she talks to me, she is so sweet, which always takes me by surprise because sometimes I think she's judging me :)

Clara: Was excited my name is so similar to hers. Wears glasses. Has a really sweet smile. The girls often refer to her because her English is good. Not afraid to speak in front of a big group.

Loka: Seems like one of the cool girls (not in a mean girl kind of way, but in a leader of the group kind of way). Same birthday as my sister, September 16. Went home to her family this weekend.

Arzyella: Goes by Lala. The glamorous one of the group. Tall and skinny.

Bernadeth: One of the oldest girls. Loves talking to Courtney and I and asking questions. Courtney has done a great job already tutoring her in math. She had a boyfriend but broke up with him to concentrate more on her exams! Good cook.

Jiana: Pronounced Janna. Also one of the older girls. She loves to dance.

Martina: Little rebel of the group. She's one of the older girls. She's amazing with the guitar. Also singing and dancing. She has this punky short hair do and likes to wear black clothes and lots of eyeliner! Underneath the cool girl is a really sweet girl.

Sylviana: Goes by Emel (pronounced EEmel). So little and so sweet. I love how she always says, "Good night! Larrr-a!" or "Good morning! Larrr-a!" Gave me some Malay lessons the other day.

Sabrina: One of the older girls. Very mature and very responsible. Also always sharing her snacks!

Denisteca: Goes by Denis. One of the younger girls. She is the most zealous about learning English and is not shy at all about practicing with Court and I. She is very playful. And I love her laugh! It's kind of rumbly.

Agatha: One of the younger girls. She likes to keep to herself, a lot. But whenever I smile at her, she smiles back. And the other day, I was playing a game with her and some other girls and her mischievous, sarcastic side came out a little!

Eva: One of the youngest girls but I thought she was one of the older girls! Played badminton with me over the weekend. Has a boyfriend who calls her Yoyong for no apparent reason.

Sheldry: Always on her laptop during study time (apparently the government here gave underprivileged students a laptop - one of the staff was telling me it was interesting because it seemed like a cover up for other issues not addressed). Her English is better than she lets on, I think. I like how she walks, kind of duck footed.

Shenny: Shantey's younger sister. I love her chic haircut. She plays the guitar and sings and dances really well.

Michelle: Also went home this weekend to see her family. Told me she helped her parents "rubber tap". A lot of people here in the villages do that for income.

Clay: One of the younger girls, but also one of the leaders of the group. Everyone seems to like her. She is super small but is SUCH a character. She has an amazing voice and is awesome with the guitar. She is a runner at school (as in track and field).

Elah: Shantey and Shenny's aunt, but is in the same class as Shenny. Very mischievous, which I love. In a game where they had to write names of people or characters, she made one up called Walen Turia Fone, because I told them it was better if they were obscure figures.

Evyliana: Goes by Coro, which means small in Malay. Has her tongue pierced. When she is around the other girls, she is one of the cool girls. But when she is talking to us staff, I can tell she is very curious and eager to help. She wants to leave here when she is done with school to maybe work as a graphic designer in Kota Kinabalu or Singapore or New York City!

So those are the nineteen girls here, in very small nutshells (I've quickly learned the word for nut, which is kacang pronounced ka-chang). I feel very lucky to be able to spend time with them. They love to talk and sing and dance. Courtney and I always hear them singing in the kitchen while they cook meals or in the bathroom while they shower. Someone is always playing the guitar. Over the weekend, I hung out with some of them in the grassy area in front of the hostel, playing guitar (well listening for me), singing, playing badminton, just talking. I told Courtney the other day that it kind of reminds me of Little House on the Prairie, except in the tropics.

Because of their culture and where they have grown up, they are more connected to the environment around them. And I have so much to learn from them and their way of being! Like one of their favorite songs to sing and play on the guitar goes, "Why is everybody so obsessed/ money can't buy us happiness/ can we all slow down and enjoy right now/ guarantee we'll be feelin alriiiight."

You'll fit right in!

As usual, my inner dialogue on race, racism, and being Asian American has been steadily flowing since arriving here in Malaysia.

On more than several occasions, people here have spoken to me in Malay or Chinese, mostly when I have tried to order food. All of the Good Shepherd staff people I have met so far have commented that I will fit right in. Most of them have said that I look Chinese.

It's interesting. Several of them have asked me, "You look like you have an Asian background. Are you..?" Each time, I want to shout (not angrily, more in an amused/befuddled way), "Of course I am!! Believe what you see!"

That question has perplexed me the last week. But today I realized why so many people are perplexed by my Asian-ness. I met some staff for the first time today at a youth center here in Kota Kinabalu. One of the staff immediately commented that I "will fit right in." They then asked me what I am (I've gotten that question a lot too and I do happen to like answering that one - people are intrigued by the Japanese and Filipino mix). But then the revelatory comment came from a Sister on staff: "But you are from the US?"

I think when all these staff people heard that two American volunteers were coming, they expected us both to look like Courtney, who is a blue eyed redhead. And indeed, Magda, the Good Shepherd Volunteer here in Malaysia last year, is also white. I think on some level it surprises the PKGS staff here in Malaysia to see that an American can look so much like them.

Last night, the PKGS director of the Sabah programs took me to Mass (Courtney wasn't feeling well, so she went back across the street to rest at the convent where we are currently staying for two nights). Looking around at all the other churchgoers, I realized that I really do blend in. Like a strawberry blends right into a banana smoothie. Unless I open my mouth, there is almost no way for people to mark me as American. There was a local hapa family sitting in front of us and I realized that they stood out in that crowd much more than I did. What a weird feeling.

Whenever Courtney and I have gone out in public here, people inevitably stare at Courtney. It hasn't affected her so much - I think after going abroad on other trips to Ghana, Ethiopia, and Ecuador, she has become more accustomed to it. Funnily enough, it is me, the one who "fits in" who has gone into this tailspin of identity questioning and thoughts.

Before leaving the country, during the Hurricane Irene weekend in NYC, I went to the grocery store to pick up some victuals. As I stood contemplating whether to buy light vanilla soy milk or regular soy milk, an African American guy came up to me and asked if I spoke Chinese. I was taken aback and said, rather confusedly, no. He persisted and I asked if I spoke a couple other Asian languages. Over the seconds that it took him to ask, I became annoyed and said more forcefully "no" each time. He then took out a business card and said, "Oh I'm sorry I wanted to give you this." The card was emblazoned with "Learn English" and was for ESL classes. I said to him, "No I very much speak English, thank you" and walked away. Frankly, I was infuriated. I'm getting angry typing this.

I'm more American than I am Asian. Coming to Asia reminds me of that. But then again, I'm Asian American. I'm fully American. Fully Asian American. But somehow, in my own country, I am still treated as a second class American. Saying that makes me feel a little melodramatic, especially knowing the brutality and injustice that other Asian Americans experience, but when I am made to question and defend my identity as an American, in whatever small way, I do feel that I have the right to make that emotional claim.

Before leaving for Malaysia, I was so sure that people would know right away that I am American, because of the way I dress, walk, look, speak. I have been so surprised to see that that hasn't been true. I know we have been in cities, so it might be different when we go to more rural areas. But I also know that my expectations came from visiting the Philippines and Japan, the countries of my ancestors, where I don't quite fit in because I don't look fully Filipino and I don't look fully Japanese.

That was not the first time someone in the US has assumed I'm from elsewhere. And I'm sure it's not the last time. In Malaysia, however, people assume I'm from here! The irony of that fascinates me. Courtney and I had a good talk about race and racism and everything in between last night, so I'm really happy she is open to those kinds of conversations. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

Selamat detang ke Malaysia!

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

I'm sitting in the little conference room here at the Good Shepherd KL center. The Good Shepherd Sisters have a convent here, as well as a group home for teenage girls and an emergency shelter for women in crisis. Courtney and I have been here since arriving in Malaysia on Saturday. On Wednesday, we are going to take a train to Ipoh where there is another shelter for women. We will stay there for three days and then come back to KL for one night. Then we will fly to Sabah, where we will probably remain for the rest of our stay in Malaysia.

After leaving NYC last Thursday, so much has happened and I don't think I can make this entry a narrative - it would be a novel! Instead, I'm just going to describe some of my favorite tidbits and happenings. Here goes...

1. The Good Shepherd agency here in Malaysia is called "Pusat Kebajikan Good Shepherd." Pusat means center. Kebajikan means welfare. They call it PKGS for short.

2. The little conference room that I am sitting in, as well as the staff's adjacent offices, looks like it was furnished by Ikea. Beautiful wall board, table, and swivel chairs. When Courtney and I were given a tour yesterday, we were impressed with how modern looking the office space is. Then earlier today, we were sitting with some of the women and one of them pulled out the most current Ikea catalogue to practice saying the prices in English! Made me laugh.

3. There are nine "ladies" from Cambodia and one from Eritrea here at the shelter right now. They all came to Malaysia to be domestic workers, but then ran away from their employers because they were abused. We have been hanging out with them. Most of them have very little English, which makes communication difficult, but two of them have conversational English. The woman from Eritrea told Courtney that she didn't even know she was coming to Malaysia after leaving her country. When she got to Malaysia, her "employer" just locked her up in a room. She couldn't do anything. Then one night her employer got drunk and left the keys and some money on a table. So she stole the keys and money and ran and ran. She ran until she found some other African people who took her in for a little but. While there, she created a Facebook account and, through some of her friends from home, found out that her family had moved to Australia. And she was able to make contact with her family (Facebook comes to the rescue!)! The African family she was staying with helped her go to the embassy and she was then placed here with PKGS. She is waiting for her papers to go through so that she can reunite with her family in Australia. She hasn't seen them in six years.

4. We are on a hilltop overlooking KL and it is jaw-droppingly beautiful. To Courtney's and my American sensibilities, we are in the middle of the rainforest. But apparently Sabah is even greener! We have yet to see the monkeys that steal all the fruit from the trees surrounding these grounds, but hopefully tonight is the night. Also, a couple nights ago, we heard the Sister's dogs violently barking at someone/thing. The next morning we found out they were trying to keep a wild boar away. I guess monkeys and boars are their pigeons and squirrels.

5. Being here reminds me a lot of being in the Philippines. We went to Mass at a local parish with some of the Sisters and staff on our first night and as soon as we walked in, the sounds, smells, heat, sights reminded me of the Philippines. So that bit of familiarity has helped a little. But at that Mass, because I was so exhausted from traveling, so sweaty from the humidity, and so overwhelmed with my decision to do this year (I kept thinking, I can't do this for a year!!), I had to spend the majority of the service deescalating myself. I was starting to panic. But I was able to calm myself down, using some handy breathing techniques from orientation (thanks Julie!). And then after church, we went to a Chinese hawkers market where all these vendors were selling food outdoors. As always, sharing a hot meal (claypot chicken rice) with good people made me really happy. Some things don't change, even halfway around the world.

6. I just heard the Muslim call to prayer coming from KL for the second time since being here. So haunting and beautiful.

7. Food so far has consisted of a lot of rice, chicken, and vegetables. And it's all been delicious. So I'm a happy camper.

8. Malaysia is super diverse in terms of demographic. There are several big ethnic groups - Malay, Chinese, and Indian (as in from India, the first time I heard Indian I thought it referred to indigenous). When we went to Mass, I was completely blown away by all the different faces and colors. I totally was not expecting that! Then there are also tons of migrants - Burmese, Cambodians, Filipinos, etc. etc.

8. We are pretty comfortable right now. Yesterday, the director of PKGS, Theresa, took us to the Kuala Lumpur City Center where the famous Twin Towers are. We went to this upscale shopping center to walk around and have some dessert. We had our shaved ices, similar to the Filipino halo-halo, amidst the Prada, Chanel, and Tiffany's stores. Then she took us to a market so that I could buy a cheap watch. I got a pretty snazzy one for ten ringgit, which is about three US dollars!

9. Our first foray into international simple living was yesterday when the water pump was turned off. Courtney and I were getting ready to go to breakfast when we realized that the shower, sink, and toilet weren't working. But that wasn't supposed to happen and the Sisters turned it back on. The Eritrean woman here at the shelter showed us how to wash our clothes by hand today. Both Courtney and I pretty much know how to do that, but we wanted to see how they do it here. That's somehting we will have to get used to doing all the time. No more washing machines!

10. After being here for two and a half days, I feel like I have come across a lifetime of lessons. Language, time, consumerism, food, weather, solidarity, stress, travel, loneliness, love. I can only imagine how the rest of this year will pan out.

That's all for now. Much peace and love to you all!!