Coffee.

In my last seven Malaysian months, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my time thus far as a Good Shepherd Volunteer. Courtney knows well how big last year remains for me - much of my mental space still sits in my year as a New York City GSV. Sometimes I need to remind myself to be here in Malaysia, to be present to the people around me. But most of the time, I know that I need to be patient with myself, that I must continue to sort out last year. I know that my former community members have also continued to process what last year was for them, in different ways. So even though I have continued as a GSV, I know that this year is completely connected while at the same time completely separate from last year. (And I suppose the same is true for any moment in our lives! We turn another year older. We start a new job. We lose old friends. We make new friends.)

A week or so ago, I was emailing Tom King, one of my mentors and continued supports from LMU, and I thought of a metaphor to describe my time thus far as a GSV.

It's like water. Last year was boiling water. It was intense. It was an explosion. It was transforming. Cleansing. Hot. I told Tom that this year is like the water cooling off. This year is made of the same elements as last year - community, simplicity, spirituality, relationships, emotions. Those elements are just manifested differently. But later I was telling Courtney that I didn't like 'cooling off' entirely, because it didn't completely resonate.

Then, a couple days ago, I thought of something better. This year is like water become coffee! Still hot (quite literally as I live in a tropical jungle now), still intense at times (like the jitters that catch you by surprise), but not as explosive necessarily. Much more calm and chill. Still exciting. But more balanced. My lovely friend Catherine sent me a reflection a while back that has always stuck with me. It talked about how we have to be like coffee beans reacting to hot water, when we encounter sturggles in our lives. The coffee bean isn't destroyed by the hot water; instead, it transforms the water around it.

I really like that image of this year as coffee. Because coffee has indeed played a fun role in Courtney's and my adventures - instant coffee is the norm here and Starbucks/The Coffee Bean are our splurges when we go to the city. I don't mind the instant coffee so much actually (I think I got used to it when I was trying to save my mone for travel as a study abroad studnet), but I am always very happy to have a good cup of freshly brewed coffee. In that way, coffee has come to represent a kind of richness and gratitude and comfort.

Volunteering in Malaysia with Good Shepherd has been so rich. I often cannot believe how much we have gotten to see and experience here. We have met so many amazing people. Traveled quite a bit around Malaysia and Borneo. Welcomed many visitors. Done some fun and challenging and rewarding work. And all of this will continue for our remaining three and a half months. I am so grateful. So so grateful.

On another level, life right now, at my present moment, is rich. I feel at home right here right now. I am comfortable. I feel like I am in my element. Pukak has proven to be a beautiful placement for volunteers.

Here are some of my favorite tidbits from Pukak life so far:

- Seven year old Eljoe, who is a rascal, giving me spontaneous back massages with his little fists.
- Making no-upper-lip funny faces with Beatrice (shout out to Annie!!).
- Watching Nini eat the white part of her fried egg carefully first and completely savoring the yolk last.
- Alphonsus' raspy voice and cool guy nod. Sometimes pirate eye patch included.
- Celestinah and Junily always wanting to sit next to me in church. I appreciate their loyalty!
- Goofy Andrew coming back to the hostel after school and saying in a mock pretentiously gentlemanly manner, "Selmat petang semua" which means "Good afternoon everyone."
- Walking to village Mantaranau for 45 minutes with the outreach team and later jumping into the river with the village kids we had just had a program with.
- Playing tag with nuggets Danny, Ian, and Riu at a local village wedding.
- Waking up early to prepare breakfast for the kids and being rewarded with a fantastic sunrise coming over the beautiful green misty hills.
- Seeing Jane dance funky when I say "shake it out" during yoga.
- Hearing the kids hiss like snakes during cobra pose or bark like dogs in downward dog or say "Hello toes!" duing toe touches.
- The same group of teenage girls and village moms coming to yoga twice a week every week. We're getting stronger together!
- Thursday nights at the Herbalife cafe with my sixteen year old bestie Tata, and sometimes her sister Ezzra too.
- Singing karaoke Easter Sunday with Auntie Cornelia, Tata and Ezzra's mom.
- Auntie Dorothy's fried noodles for breakfast.
- Henritta's fried bananas, Bella's voice, Evelyn's "yups," Valen's interest in yoga and jogging, Pisus' weird poses, and Fred's guitar playing (all fellow Good Shepherd staff - I just love all of them in general).
- Sharing stories with our adult English class in village Lokub. Including a story about one of the guy's head being cracked open while swimming in the river. And another about one of the women giving birth in her car on the way to the clinic!
- Watching the village moms gear up and go paintballing at the paintball compound (tourist attraction - it's riverside!) here. They're the coolest ever.
- The seventeen rainbow pictures now on my wall (I put them up today) from an activity Courtney and I did with the kids yesterday.
- Training for the half marathon with the buffalo, in thunderstorms, past swimming waving kids - basically, in the jungle.

Yea, life is good. Like a good cup of coffee :)