Monday, September 3, 2012

And I'm back.

I’m in Thailand. At the Bangkok airport, Suvarnabhumi International.

It’s been more than a month since I last blogged, but I don’t have the space or energy to completely fill the gap, so here’s a mini update of what happened since then: Courtney and I left Malaysia. Lots of tearful goodbyes. Lots of crazy emotions. Holidayed in Bali for four days then Hong Kong for three. Then split ways with Court and flew to LA. Lots of crazy emotions and reverse culture shock. Jetlagged for one week, but so happy to see my family. Jess arrived in LA six days later. Then two weeks hanging out with family and friends and getting ready for Thailand. Said goodbye to my family and LA friends and flew to NYC. Lots of crazy emotions. Went to GSV orientation for three days. Then out and about in New York, all over – Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Ossining, Scarsdale, Long Island.

I can’t possibly get into the details of this past month from Asia to LA to NY (that’s still mindboggling to me), but you will notice the running theme of “lots of crazy emotions.” What I will say is that the past month has been overwhelming. I was coming off of a volunteer year in Malaysia. I was being present, or trying to be present, to my family and friends. I was preparing (visa and doctor’s appointments) for Thailand. Transitioning physically and mentally, scheduling my time, trying to re-center myself. So much. At times I was extremely fatigued. Other times I was just really happy to be.

So moving on, because at this point there’s no stopping, that brings me to - left JFK Airport Saturday night at 11pm. Lots of crazy emotions. After saying goodbye to Jess and watching her sprint away to get back to her almost expired parking, I had a moment where I thought: “I’m really doing this. Thailand is real. I’m going by myself.” And immediately my mind jumped to, “Oh my God, now that Jess is gone, no one in this airport knows who I am. I am completely alone.” And my next overwhelming thought was, “I am rebuilding. Again.” And that made me feel panicky. It was overwhelming to feel that I was again leaving the comfort of my family and friends who KNOW me, to a new group of people, to a new life. My reflex then was to call Jess and ask her to come back. But at the same time I knew that was silly and unnecessary. So as I stood there in the airport surrounded by people and luggage, feeling out my rising panic, my phone rang. It was my dad. And as I said hello, I just started bawling. Which was just what I needed. All this happened in about five minutes and in hearing my dad’s voice, I felt a settling. I knew in my heart, mind, and soul that I was exactly where I was meant to be in that moment. I felt that the universe was hugging me.

I did some more crying as I made some last goodbye phone calls while waiting at the gate, but no more sense of panic. In fact, I’ve been really pleased with my state of being for the last twenty four hours (I’ve been traveling for a whole day now!). In LA and NY, I repeatedly told people that I was not nervous to be in Thailand on my own. I was more nervous, actually really nervous, to be flying alone because I’ve had some airplane anxiety the last year. But maybe telling so many people helped me really face that fear and stamp it out. Because I’ve been really chill on the flights. I’ve even slept a bit, which doesn’t happen easily! The other thing too is that Pete booked me on Emirates, which totally lived up to its fancy reputation. I’ve been flying in luxury. Good food. Good leg space. Huge (relatively speaking) bathrooms. Amazing movie and TV show selection. My first flight was one of those huge two story Airbuses. And the flight crew was so diverse, they announced that the attendants on board could speak English, Arabic, Chinese, Spanish, Swahili, French, and Thai. I felt that was just as indicative of luxury as my complimentary socks/eye mask/toothbrush travel kit.

Anyway, I arrived in Dubai after twelve hours. Dubai is money. The Dubai airport has a Pinkberry! What?? Then I waited for three hours for my next flight to Bangkok. Flew six hours to Bangkok. And I’m in Asia again! As I walked off the plane, I found myself involuntarily smiling because I was so happy to be in Asia again. It was like a coming home. The Bangkok airport looks exactly like the Hong Kong airport (who am I that I can even say that?) and is so modern and nice. No free Wifi like in the Dubai airport, but I’ll live. I love seeing Thai writing everywhere and Asian people everywhere (though I thought the flight from Dubai to Bangkok was interesting because almost everyone except for maybe two passengers were tourists from Europe). I love the flowers and elaborate temple displays in the middle of all the sleek metal. But most of all, I think I love knowing that I’m going to be here for another year, that there is an amazing community waiting to welcome me, that this is just the beginning.

So my flight for Udon Thani, which is in northeast Thailand, leaves in less than two hours. I’m going to try to sleep because I’m pretty tired at this point. The flight is about an hour and a half and then it’s a forty-five minute drive from the airport to Nongkhai. And then I’m home! No matter where I am, it’s always so exciting to come home.

Peace and love,
Lara

2 comments:

J. Simo said...

I am SO SO SO Excited for you! Larrrrrrr soo cool!! Elephant was def a really fun sign from the universe!! Embrace all of it! Jump :)

g-unit said...

Already an amazing experience your where your suppose to be