Andrew Torii

Dear Andrew,

Yesterday we gathered at our parents‘ house to celebrate your 30th birthday together. Our parents had a private mass in the backyard and then we just hung out after. I was feeling sad because I always miss you and sometimes can’t believe it has been 10 years. I wish we could celebrate our 6 days apart birthdays together. But, it was nice to be together amongst all the flowers and bees and butterflies that have taken over the backyard. I felt Grandma’s presence and feel that she is watching over all of us.

Today, Ana told me about the last time she spoke to you, which was at my graduation party about 7 months before you left. She said you showed her and Caesar photographs you had taken and printed. She said you were excited about them. She said she often thinks of you. I am always struck by how my friends share that they think of you and send you well wishes regularly. Even friends who have never met you because I met them after you left. All that to say, I’m forever proud to be your sister.

I hope your birthday this year brought you that same excitement and pride. That experience of loving something so much that it just spills out of you. I hope you are surrounded by love and good things. I hope you know that we love you so much it spills out of us. I will never stop hoping to see you again. We will never stop loving you.

Happy birthday!

Love,
Lara 

Andrew Torii

Happy birthday Andrew. Thinking of you today and every day. Sending much love and light your way. We hold on to the hope that we will hear from and see you again. 

Andrew Torii

Happy birthday, brother. I hope you are well. And I/we hold on to the hope of hearing from you and seeing you again someday. Sending you much love, always.

5 years

Andrew,
We love and miss you and hope that you are safe and well.
We will always be here waiting for you. 

3 years.

Dear Andrew,

Happy Thanksgiving! I've been thinking about you a lot these last couple days. You've been on all of our minds. I wish you would call or come home. I also wish for you whatever it is you want and need. So perhaps those two wishes contradict each other, but there you have it. I miss you. I wish we could talk.

On Thanksgiving morning, we ran the Torrance Turkey Trot 5k. At first, Daddy said he would stick with us, but of course when he saw all the other runners warming up, he decided to go at his own pace after all. That pace being a 6:50 mile. He finished at about 20 minutes and I came in a little after 30 minutes. I've only run 2 or 3 times in the past 3 months, but I did ok! I felt a little weak during the run, but I think it's because I didn't eat enough before. And also I felt a little uncomfortable in the cold. I'm still adjusting to the colder and drier temperatures here.

In the evening, I drove with Grandma to Uncle John and Auntie Sherrie's house for dinner. Mommy had to pick up Tita Fely and Tita Tess from the airport because they were coming back from the Philippines. I haven't been home for Thanksgiving since the year before you left, so it was really good to see everyone. Everyone is growing up. It's kind of surreal. Jake, Justin and Sammy are all in college. Trevor and Joey are in high school. Lauren, Ryan, Jared and Jack are in middle school. I think I can't get over how much older everyone is because it's the most tangible evidence of time passing.

Tonight, we were watching The Hulk on TV. I didn't really like this version - I much prefer the version with Edward Norton that you and I sneaked into all those years ago. I often wonder, when I see a movie like The Avengers 2 or Silver Linings Playbook, if you're watching these movies and loving them too.

When I'm freezing under my 5 blankets in my bed, because my body is still trying to adjust to the sudden change in environment, I wonder where you're staying and if you're warm enough too.

Remember the orange beanie I got you from London? I'm looking forward to wearing it again.

By the way, I'm planning to stay in the States for a while. Two years abroad was a good run and I'm looking forward to being here again. Maybe one day we can share with each other all the experiences and lessons and struggles and joys we've had. I would love that.

Mommy actually asked me to post this blog telling you that we all miss you and love you. I hope you can feel our energy reaching out to you, wherever you are. We will always be here waiting for you.

Love,
Lara

Farewell Nongkhai.

I’m currently at Don Mueang Airport in Bangkok waiting for my flight to Malaysia. The time has come for me to leave Thailand.

Thailand.

I never ever would have thought I would end up living here for one full year. Prior to this year, Thailand conjured images of golden temples and elaborate costumes with intricate headpieces. Thailand made me think of The King and I. Thailand was less real than the delicious pad see ew at Three Spice Kitchen, a local Thai restaurant in my LA hometown.

But now that I’ve been here for a year, Thailand will forever more mean Nongkhai and the people of Nongkhai. My Thailand will be red dirt roads and blue skies filled with fluffy white clouds and bright green rice paddies. My Thailand will be the faces of the people at Hands of Hope. Tanned brown skin, laugh lines, gaps in teeth, warm eyes, feet worn down by a lifetime of walking barefoot. My Thailand will be sitting cross legged on the floor for lunch, stifling heat blanketing us, with only a fan to blow the hot air around, but delicious food on our plates. Stir fried veggies, savory omelets, fresh white rice, spicy curries. My Thailand will be biking down the highway with motorcycles packed 3 or 4 deep, with tuk tuks chugging along, with trucks full of people in the back.

Saying goodbye is never exactly fun, but what has struck me about saying goodbye to everyone in Nongkhai is how full of gratitude I am for them. I am amazed by their abundance, by their grace. I was surprised and treated to so many lunches and dinners out. To thoughtful and tasty gifts. At Hands of Hope, the people overwhelmed me with an Isan ceremony called “bai see” where they tied strings onto my wrists as blessings and a kind of guarantee that I will one day return in the future. As I sit here and type this, my wrists are still covered by the white strings, forming a wide cuff. I’m supposed to leave them on for 3 days, after which time I can keep a couple, but cut the rest off.

The people of Nongkhai (producers, patients, staff, Sr. Pranee, Antonia) and their way of being have been the epitome of generosity, joy, and grace. Their love and care have left a deep mark on my heart.

I have felt and experienced so much here in Thailand. And now this time is over. But I realize that the energy here will continue. Life will never be the same for me. But at its core, it will very much be made of the same stuff. That energy won’t disappear – it’ll transform. Like my dad once wrote to me, there is no reason life anywhere else can’t be the same as it has been here.

One of our patients died in my last week in Nongkhai. I only actually talked to Sampan twice, but his vitality and his hope impressed me deeply. He was young – 26 years old. He was so eager to continue to live, but in the end his body couldn’t withstand the HIV and the blood diseases. He died peacefully in the presence of his parents. When we went to his funeral, Antonia and I spoke about how much death is a part of Thai culture. In the West, death is scarier and something separate from life. Back home, death is more OTHER. But here, death is like the next step. Death is another manifestation of life. The living will continue to talk and laugh and gamble and drink to accompany the dead into their next life. The people at the funeral set off firecrackers and held knives to scare away evil spirits, in order to help the dead walk peacefully on. And so the energy of the living and the dead is transformed.

In honor of all those who have given me so much here, I hope to always be present to that energy. My plan is to continue to live and love deeply. Thank you to the people of Good Shepherd Nongkhai and to GSV for an amazing year in Thailand.

Tying the bai see strings on my wrists. The bai see tree is there by my knees.
Jiranun and Namfon are holding my arms for extra support. 

With the amazing Good Shepherd staff/family. They are extraordinary.

Last couple of months in Thailand.

Some of the major happenings from middle of July up until now. 

Getting ready to plant rice. Putting on the booties to keep creepy crawlies and mud out. They don't keep out the water though.

Slowly getting the hang of it!

Lots to do at Hands of Hope. With my favorite work partner!

Birthday muffins - yum :)

The people are so generous and overwhelmed me with love. Such a special 25th birthday!

Kenom (snacks - my favorite) and fruit galore!

 Birthday ice cream with my phenomenal housemate Patricha. We were in heaven.

Mother's Day is August 12 in Thailand because it's the Queen's birthday. There are many kinds of bows in Thailand, but this one that the kids did for their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers was the deepest, most respectful, and most moving I've seen. The love between the kids and their mother figures was beautiful.

The people thanking Sr. Pranee for her love and support of them.

Dinner with staff - getting ready to say goodbye to me, but also welcome to Abby and Abbie, the 2 new GSVs.